We all look forward to our children growing up to be honest, responsible, thoughtful and independent adults. We also want them to be good citizens of their country and of the world. To reach these goals with our children, the work begins at home and at school. Children learn what they are taught. They learn from direct lessons such as when they sit in the classroom, but in the area of social and emotional learning (SEL) they learn just as much or more through observation and life experiences. For this reason the role of parents is extremely important if we want our children to be the kind of people we hope that they will be in the coming years. The task of preparing our children for the 21st century is not just about academic learning. Of course having the necessary academic preparation is critical for children to have the opportunity to live happy, healthy, and meaningful lives. However, we know that in our interconnected world life is not as simple as it was for us. The SEL experiences have much more importance and meaning than in the past. What exactly is social and emotional learning? Social and emotional learning (SEL) is the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. I believe that we all agree that preparing our children for life is not always easy. We as the parents are the first teacher for our children. We are the ones that our children will come to when problems in the house or at school become significant. Are we ready to help our children work through the life experiences in a positive way that will help them to become the best people that they can be and the kind of adults that we will be proud of in the future? Since parents are the first and most important teacher of every child, it is important for us to check on our own behaviors and actions. Our children are great observers and learners, they are watching our actions all of the time. If we are empathetic, kind, and thoughtful, they will grow to have those qualities as well. If we do not give our children positive attention and provide direction they will flounder and not develop these qualities. We do not have to rule every aspect of our children’s lives to help them to have direction, but we have to be there for them to show them what good social and emotional behavior looks like. During this time of isolation because of the coronavirus you have probably observed your child more than anytime since their infancy. If you are spending quality time with your child now you may see areas of need and growth in your child. There is no better time to provide SEL than when you have this time with your child. The difficult part may be how to introduce SEL topics at home. So, here are some suggestions that might be uncomfortable for some parents, but quite valuable learning opportunities for your child.
Observe your own behaviors and be sure that what you observe is what you want your child to learn. This would include interactions within your family, conversations about what your child is reading on their own, or discussing the learning experiences being offered through online teaching. Share situations of discomfort that you experienced in your own childhood. Perhaps you were treated unfairly at school. This can become a discussion topic where family members could share how that situation would make them feel, and how could this situation be dealt with in a constructive way.
There are many disappointments in the world right now because of the coronavirus outbreak. Perhaps a conversation about how to handle disappointment would be useful at this time in history. For example, 11,000 Olympic athletes from almost every country in the world were expected to compete in Tokyo this summer. Most of them have practiced their entire life for this opportunity and now will not get the chance to participate, at least not this year. Missing important school events may have caused disappointment to your children. You may have missed an important event that you had been looking forward to for a long time. These are discussion topics that allow children to think about their own feelings, but also about the feelings of others.
What a great time this would be to have family conversations about goal setting for your child. Perhaps helping them to see the connection of school and education to what they want to do with the rest of their lives. Over the years we have learned that students gain motivation to learn if they believe that school will help them reach a goal that is important to learn. It does not matter yet what they say their life goal is, this will change many times between now and the time that they graduate from college, but they need to always have goals to be working toward. Help them to think about what they see as their goals at this time in their life.
Upon their return to school and the daily routines that our children had lived with before the virus may not be exactly the same for some time. How will you and your child respond to changes in society and in school once children return to school and parents return to work? This conversation may help them to be better prepared for the weeks to come and the necessary changes in our society. As parents we have a very big job, but there are no classes that tell us exactly how to handle the job. For most of us, we either follow what we learned from our own parents, or we make decisions based on what feels right. Just keep in mind that there is so much more in our world to think about now and as a result we have to continue to learn and grow ourselves. If we do not learn and grow for ourselves, we at least need to learn and grow so that we can better provide parenting and leadership for our children. I hope that SEL becomes something that you think about in working with your children everyday from now until forever. If you feel that your child needs support in some SEL growth areas let your child’s homeroom teacher know and the school will help to provide you the support that your child needs. SEL is necessary for our kids to learn inside school and outside school as well.
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